In November 2015, 2 years ago, we became licensed Foster Parents.
On March 30, 2016, 18 months ago, two of the most amazing children on this planet came to live in our home. You can read all about that here.
4 months ago, their baby sister joined our family. You can read all about that here.
Every time we go to court for these girls, I am sick. It is anxiety that comes out in my pores, I tell you. You can read more about that here. (as if anyone wants to hear more about anxiety oozing out of my pores- ick! It's actually about our whole first year with the girls!)
3 months ago, after realizing he had lost all chances at regaining custody, their biological father voluntarily relinquished his rights. And here we are, three months later and headed to our FIFTH court date in regard to the rights of the biological mother.
3 months ago, after realizing he had lost all chances at regaining custody, their biological father voluntarily relinquished his rights. And here we are, three months later and headed to our FIFTH court date in regard to the rights of the biological mother.
Last week, we found out that the girls were going to have a visit with their bio mom the next day (after months of no visits). All reason would suggest that I should be irritated, filled with dread, and frustrated by this. This is a woman who is openly using, who has shown up to visit her children only once in the previous three months and whose visits leave our girls confused, upset, and acting out for days following. A woman who could be kind to me one minute, then turn around and be hostile and physically and verbally threatening the next day. I can only imagine how painful and distressing this experience is for her, and when drugs and mental illness are factored in, emotions are only escalated. All that considered, this is a woman who is an image-bearer of the divine. A woman for whom Christ laid down His life. All reason should suggest I be full of anxiety. But that same Christ was with me as well. That same Christ holding me holds their birth mother and our daughters in His hands. When I heard about the visit, calm settled over my body. This peace was contrary to all reason; a calm that comes only from the Holy Spirit; "the peace of God, which passeth all understanding"... We felt an impression from the Lord that this visit would serve to convince the bio mom that all three of the girls belong together and with our family. I felt a surety and a sense of purpose as I prepared them for the visit. I felt a distinct prompting that this visit might be an opportunity for the bio mom to see how healthy and happy the girls are with us... so we brought our entire family. We played at the park, went to a Fairytale Festival and had a yummy dinner. When life throws you lemons, make lemonade!
(I wasn't allowed to post pictures of the girls at the time, so I added these after the fact.)
The above pic is from the next day, but at least you can see everyone!
Likewise, as we went to court today, I have never felt so calm leading up to a court hearing. (Court Hearings usually stress me to the point I am physically ill.) We knew the bio mother was running out of options, but there were many possibilities: She could fight the charges against her, she could try to force that the baby be sent to her sister, The Tribe could try to intervene and move the children to a Navajo family... I was prepared for all outcomes. I recalled having recently told our children the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. As I prayed and pondered our court hearing the next day, I felt drawn to read in Daniel 3:15-18:
"..fall down and worship the image which I have made; well: but if ye worship not, ye shall be cast the same hour into the midst of a burning fiery furnace; and who is that God that shall deliver you out of my hands?
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego, answered and said to the king, O Nebuchadnezzar, we are not careful to answer thee in this matter.
If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O king.
But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up.."
I read those words with our children this morning and as we prayed, we remembered that God does not always answer our prayers in the ways we think are best, but God answers them in the way that is best for us.
So we prayed over this hearing:
These two quotes from C.S. Lewis that seemed to encapsulate so much of our struggle:
I think that I walked into court calm today because I knew that God would be breaking my heart. I knew that either ending of this hearing would break my heart in some way. It has taken me over a year to understand that truth, and perhaps I will blog about it one day, but for now, suffice to say that I know God has a plan for our family and either path we take from here will not be easy or free from heartache. I know which path I want, but I was finally able to lay my heart down and say, "Here. Take it. Do what you have to do. Make me Thy servant in whatever way You see fit. "
Once we got to the courthouse, Matt and I both felt nervous and anxious to have answers. We were praying for a miracle:
Miracle number 1:
The girls' bio mother went into court with a petition to voluntarily relinquish her rights today...
She. signed. it!!! The judge was concerned that she may not completely understand what she was doing. After a very long, tense, redundant exchange between the judge and the girls' biological mother, the Judge signed off on her relinquishment!!! It is impossible to explain what a miracle this is without over-sharing, so please trust me when I tell you this was a miracle! This was such a tragic, miraculous and beautiful experience!! But it was absolutely in the best interest of our girls. We are both heartbroken for the bio mom and rejoicing for the bright future ahead of Sunshine, Luna and Star.
Miracle number 2:
The biological mother stated, on the record, that she wanted ALL THREE GIRLS TO STAY TOGETHER AND WITH OUR FAMILY!! If you have followed along with us, this has been a huge concern and question!
The Caseworker from DCFS testified that the girls are all three bonded to us and that it would be detrimental and disruptive to remove them from our home.
The girls' attorney then asked the judge to certify that by clear and convincing evidence it would be detrimental and disruptive for the girls to be removed from our home. And he did.
The Tribe still has the ability to come forward and fight our adoption of the girls, but with all of that on the record, it would be a steep uphill climb!!
Then the judge turned to us and thanked us. He said that what we are doing is a miracle. And I ugly cried. Because this is all a miracle. The last 18 months have been a fiery furnace but God has been with us every step of the way. Even when I yelled and railed at God. Even when I doubted and questioned every decision. Christ has stood with us; Christ has been with us in every moment.
If you have prayed for us at any time and in any way, thank you! From the bottom of my heart, thank you. Our journey is not over, but this was both a tragic loss for our girls and a huge victory for their future. We still have to get through the tribe, and it will be months before we can adopt, but we are so, so hopeful!!
