Dates with Daddy

A year or so before Victoria was born, we started taking the kids on dates. Usually Matt takes Daphne out and I take Isaac. Our little tradition has gotten much trickier since Tori was born, and now Matt usually tries to take each one on a date. On MLK day, Matt took Daphne sledding.
I love her face in this one- (those pink things at the bottom are other sleds...) Here she is on a much smaller hill:

And of course, the long, steep walk back up the hill:

Sometimes she needed a little help from Dad!

Christmas Morning 2009

Christmas Morning got off to a lovely, exciting and joyous start! My kids are so awesome! They always come and get us in the morning and wait for us to get the cameras all ready before they begin their raid of the Christmas tree! Don't get me wrong, they love Christmas morning and become extremely excited about this morning ritual, but they let us have a minute to prepare, which I appreciate. Perhaps this is because we don't do "Santa" at our house, If you are interested in our views on Santa, look here. But I love our Christmas mornings and I think that we have a wonderful family celebration of the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ.

And so, after the mad dash down the stairs, the present-opening began!

*Just a note here: Matt kept telling me not to worry about the wrapping paper, we'd pick it up at the end, and I acquiesed. But it is totally bothering me in all these pictures!


Stockings were almost forgotten with all of the hullabaloo with the gifts:

Isaac first opened a gift from his teachers, and I was proud of him for being so enthusiastic about this gift.

I was tempted to comb Victoria's hair, but I decided that you have to see the awesomeness that is her hair first thing in the morning!

Daphne has been asking for Webkinz for the longest time... I have resisted as I get annoyed with this type of technological video game entrapment for children, but I had been reassured by many friends that they are relatively harmless, so here we go!

Every year, we give the children an ornament that is engraved with each child's name and the year. This year, because of our amazing summer adventures, we decided to buy the children's ornaments at the offical Kathe Wolfhart Christmas Store in Rothenburg Ob Der Tauber. They are handcrafted, ceramic ornaments. Instead of an engraving, I just wrote each child's name on the bottom with a thin sharpie!

Here is Isaac opening his:

And next, can I get a drumroll, please?....Isaac got to open my gift to Matt and Isaac together:

If you can't see what that is, it is a PS3. Also known as a Playstation 3. For over a year now, I have watched my husband salivating over this magnificent piece of technology and all it's bells and whistles. And finally, I gave in. I was too anxious to see the joy on Isaac's face.

And an immediate hug afterward!

And Daphne has been asking for this styling head for quite some time. Apparently the whole idea of this toy creeps Matt out. I guess it's a girl thing. I remember them from my childhood, so maybe I don't get it. Daphne was thrilled, nonetheless.

After all the gifts and stockings, we had a yummy breakfast of cinnamon rolls together. And after that, we began the mad dash of trying to finish our preparations for our 24 hour drive to Texas to see my family! I had packed all the clothes and toiletries and gifts the night before, but I still needed to prepare and pack food for the road and finish putting together the kids' backpacks of goodies. Matt loaded several movies onto the laptop and onto his phone to help keep them occupied while I scrambled around with other preparations. He went and filled the cooler with ice while I made sandwiches. And finally, around 1 pm, we were ready to go!

The idea was to leave around Tori's naptime so that she would sleep for the first leg of the trip. It took her about an hour, but after that, Tori, Isaac, Daphne and I fell asleep! Yay!

Tori woke up after 45 minutes. Boo!
So we drove on. and on. And they were pretty cheerful:

I even got a picture of the beautiful Utah landscape on our way down. Driving around Europe made us realize how much beauty we have right around our home and we don't even take advantage of much of it.

So, after we had been driving for three hours, we stopped for gas and a bathroom break. It was at this point that the van started.... hmmm... how shall we say?.... surging. The engine would make this very strange sound and give a sort of lurching movement. Something neither Matt or I had ever experienced in a vehicle before. We had just pulled back onto the freeway and were near the thriving metropolis (snort) that is Green River, Utah.
What to do?!?

We started pulling off the freeway and driving into Green River while calling Matt's Dad on the phone. Matt's Dad, Calvin, who is literally a rocket scientist. And a calculus teacher and a mechanic/ fix-anything kind of guy....

We started looking for a hotel in Green River, thinking that surely, since it was now 5:30 on Christmas night, we would have to wait until morning to get it checked. We stopped at a few hotels and Matt asked if there was an auto shop anywhere nearby. We decided to drive down into the "town" a bit to see if we could find one. And we did, but none of them would be open until Monday! A whole weekend in Green River?! This was unacceptable...

We kept looking around and evetually found an all-night truck stop with a little mechanic shop place. The guys there let us drive in and tried to help us figure out our problem. They were so nice and helpful, but a little odd. They seemed much more concerned with getting our check engine light turned off than with the surging, shimmying that had actually caused it to light up...

So after amuch speculation and disconnecting the battery, we pulled out of the truck stop with the check engine light off and no surging or shimmying! Hooray! We pulled back onto the freeway and headed toward Texas! We thought we better call Matt's parents and tell them our good news. Calvin heard our story and said (and I paraphrase), "Well, if you want to head on, you can, but that doesn't mean that your van is in the clear. Cars have a trigger system in place, a certain amount of time you can drive them before it officially "registers" a problem and the check engine light comes back on. That could be forty miles or it could be 300. All you've done is reset the system... You might be fine, but you also might end up right back in the same situation once the trigger goes off again...."

After matt relayed all of this information to me, I realized we weren't in the clear. Something that had been whispering in the back of my mind since we had gotten back on the freeway. And we realized that we had a decision to make. I kept praying that God would help us to know what to do, to have wisdom, that He would protect our family from danger. And we decided to drive to Moab and see how the car was doing. But then we pulled over....

I prayed and cried. As I thought about driving to Texas all I could feel was fear. We would have hundreds of miles of Nothing ahead of us...

I saw a vision of our family on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere, snow all around, no heater, no way to get to a hotel...

But how could we change our plans now? We'd miss seeing my family again. We were on our way! We felt very similarly to when we were leaving Germany to return home, Matt and I had a discussion about how wonderful it would be if we could just teleport. We wanted to be home, we just didn't want to deal with getting there.

When we thought about returning home, however, we felt more peaceful. It seemed to me that if we had made it this far before the trigger went off and the van had trouble. It seemed we had a much better chance of making it home. Or at least back to the I-15 corridor where there is civilization! At least if we made it back to the valley we could find somewhere to stay and a shop that might be open the next day...

And so, with tears streaming down my cheeks, we turned around and headed for home. Isaac and Daphne started crying and yelling- they couldn't understand that we were doing the best we could. And they were SO disappointed. I was disappointed.

It wasn't snowing, but the wind was blowing the snow on the ground all around and we still had to make it through Spanish Fork Canyon. Of course after we called Matt's parents, Marsha informed us that more people die in that pass every year than anywhere else in Utah or something... So that helped with the tension.

And sure enough about an hour or so into our return trip, the shimmying and surging began again. It became very worrisome as we drove through the canyon... My sweet Matthew looked almost as tense as the night I nearly gave birth to Daphne on the bathroom floor! :)

But I just prayed and prayed and we just kept going and going. The surging and clunking got more and more pronounced the further we drove. And eventually, around 11:30 pm ( I think) we arrived back in our garage. It was rather anti-climactic to pull back into our home after all that effort and heart-ache. But more than any of that, we were relieved and so very grateful to our Amazing Lord for helping our family to return home safely.

We got out of the car and the engine reeked of an intense burning smell and Matt and I both felt that God had provided for us in a miraculous way that night... I know it might seem small to many of you, but we knew we had been led out of danger that night. Although we were intensely disappointed to miss out on our long-awaited trip to Texas, we were most of all thankful to be safe and home.

So, I can definitely think of better Christmas Days in my life, but it will certainly be memorable. And we will see our family soon. Summer can't come too soon for the Hunter Family!

We'll be seeing you!

Christmas Eve 2009

Matt's parents always host our Hunter Family Christmas celebration on Christmas Eve. Over the years, the celebration has grown to include various dramatic and musical performances from our family members. This year, Raegan directed the children in performing a Re-enactment of the Nativity. Daphne was able to play Mary and Corbin played Joseph. We love his robe, we feel like it gives a Sith Lord kind of feel to the role of Joseph. Here is Daphne riding cousin Austin, the donkey, into Bethlehem: Our little manger scene:

And our little shepherd, Luke:

Isaac and Zachary played two of the three wise men.

Their little re-enactment was heart-warming and precious, we loved every minute of it. Victoria, of course, could not wait until the end, when she was able to rescue the Baby Jesus from his little basket. She spent most of the viewing saying, "BEHBEE, BEHBEE", which is to say "Baby" in Tori-speak.

After the Nativity, Corbin and Luke performed a musical number and Daphne sang, "When Joseph Went to Bethlehem." She has a very sweet voice and matches pitch beautifully, but we were all shocked to hear how very pianissimo her song was! Daphne is many things, but quiet is rarely one of them!

We also watched a magnificent performance by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, Ring Christmas Bells
On that dvd, there is a performance called, "Christmas with the Longfellows", which tells the story of how Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote the hymn, "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day". It is absolutely extraordinary. If you have the opportunity to view it, I highly recommend it!

After our "program", we went upstairs to open presents around Marsha's magnificent Christmas tree. Every year it looks even more fabulous and she does such a wonderful job decorating it. Several years ago, Calvin used a special blow-torch carving tool to carve an ice world out of a massive piece of styrofoam. He carved tunnels for the train to run through, and little ledges and notches for the Thomas Kinkade Christmas Village houses and people to decorate the base of the tree. The train is a favorite among all the grandkids and we are incessantly turning it off and on to please them! The tree itself is decorated with a combination of traditional ornaments, spinning, rotating and moving ornaments as well as hand-made ornaments from Matt (and his siblings') youth.

The tree looks a little like the leaning tower of Pisa here, but it is absolutely beautiful.

We open presents from youngest to oldest, so Tori started us off. She didn't really get it at first, but she picked it up pretty quickly.

When she finally opened her personal trampoline, she decided it looked like a pretty good seat.

After waiting very impatiently through a few other cousins, it was Daphne's turn:

She got clothes and a new coat and a doll that she's been talking about for months.

And Isaac's turn rolled around, he received some walky talkies from Jude and Natalie:

And then.... he was able to open his new snowboard from Nanny and PaPa!

We had such a lovely time celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ with Matt's family. We feel incredibly blessed to have so much and to have such a loving and supportive family and a knowledge of Our Savior! So, a belated Merry Christmas to you all... stay tuned for pictures from our very Bitter sweet Christmas Day.

Why I don't let my babies "Cry It Out".

I know, I know, I know.- who cares, anyway? None of my 3 readers asked, but you'll have to humor me. This is my one little outlet and I just can't hold it in any longer.


And you know what? I'm a little tired of all the judgement anyway. I know that I (too often) have judged others based on a lack of understanding for their situation, and it seems that I find myself in this position of being judged or perhaps, speculation, frequently.

I know, I know... "Stop your whining, Laura. You picked your path." ... And so I did. Perhaps I am a bit of a black sheep. Not in a negative way, as in being rebellious or anything, but I guess what I mean is that I don't let public opinion or whatever is *easiest*shape my views. I have chosen (in many areas of life) ideas or philosophies that are "out of the mainstream" to say the least and "the subject of mockery", to say more. And I suppose it is only natural for some people to ask, "Why? What is with that girl, anyway? Does she just enjoy the drama of disagreement? Is she nuts? Does she just like to be contrary?" Well, in every single one of those situations, I have done what I felt- truly and deeply in my heart-to be the true and right thing to do.


When I started writing this post, it was Tori's first day going to the nursery at church, as well as her 18 month mark! Yay for Victoria- we're so thankful you are here in our family!

While out in the hallway, listening to make sure she was content and safe, (or waiting for the screaming to begin, rather) I was counseled by some to just let her cry.

When these situations arise, I always try to be as close-lipped as is possible for me. And I think we all know I am not exactly skilled with keeping my opinions to myself. But particularly at church, I don't want to get into some sort of debate over parenting choices. If such a situation presents itself, I try to tactfully agree to disagree. I even say things like, "I know, I'm weird" in order to diffuse the situation. In truth, what I mean is that I know I am in the minority, not so much that my decision is weird.

Toward the end of this conversation in the hallway, the other party said to me, "Don't go in. Now she'll know that every time she cries, you will come." And I replied, "Yes. That's my goal."

I don't mean that I'm trying to teach my child to manipulate me with temper tantrums, but rather that I want, instilled into her very being, the knowledge that if she really needs me-in a crisis of epic proportions- I'm there. Every Time. And in truth, for an eighteen-month-old, being dropped off in a room of complete strangers is a crisis of epic proportions. And while hanging out and making sure she feels completely secure before I leave her there alone may not be convenient for me, it is worth every single frustrating moment.

And although I do not want to get into a debate over parenting choices in the hallway at church or at the school or at the neighborhood block party, I do always leave such encounters feeling, well, if not judged; then.... misunderstood.

So my goal today is to share with you why I have made this choice and to refute the idea that I am a lazy parent who is too weak to discipline my children.

Firstly, let me say that if you have chosen to let your children cry themselves to sleep and/or Cry It Out in other scenarios, this is not intended as a judgement on you. This is merely a justification of my own choice as a Mom. I understand your choice and I respect your ability to choose for your own children. As I acknowledge later in this post- there is no way to know which choice is "right" or "wrong", only what is right or wrong for one family. So please don't feel that I am judging you because I feel differently. I am open to discussion and hope you feel as confident and as happy with your choice as I do mine. The older I have gotten, the more I have realized that life decisions are not black and white, they are often shades of gray, and you have to find the right fit for you and your family.

Now, you'll have to pardon me. But here's where I pull out all the Early Childhood philosophy that has helped to shape my own views on infant care...

A. Bronfenbrenner's theory tells us that children view the world from an extremely egocentric perspective. The microsystem is the most influential and relative to the child's life experiences and consists of the child's immediate family relationships and home.

It takes a significant period of time for a newborn to even acknowledge the existence of life outside his or her own body. And the first thing he or she acknowledges is her food source and her mother, which are often the same being. Gradually the baby starts to acknowledge other people and eventually, places and things. This is why there are spurts of separation anxiety beginning from 7 to 9 mos. and then repeating again around 18-20 mos. The child's ability to distinguish different people and places matures and is refined. The biggest concept to get from Bronfenbrenner is that an infant's family is like the world to an adult, with the home being like the universe. Gradually this microsystem expands, so that the family is like a country, with the home being like the world. This is one of the reasons that research shows that the three most stressful life experiences for a young child are:

1. Death of a family member

2. Divorce

3. Moving

The home is so central to a child's existence. BUT foremost, is the immediate and primary caregiver.

Looking at a child's world from this type of understanding, I cannot leave my infant in another room, crying with little or no comfort or reassurance of existence from that baby's primary caregiver. From my understanding of this theory of ecological development, doing so would be like leaving an adult in a foreign country with no way to contact his or her family and friends or anyone he knows at all. No contact at all.

My second big motivator:

B. Erik Erikson's theory of child development. Erikson, a protege of Freud, also taught that children develop in stages. His stages have rung much more true than Freud's, however, and research has proven them accurate throughout the past 2/3 of a century. In each of Erikson's stages, the child can overcome challenges and emerge successful or emerge unsuccessful, with negative undercurrents rippling into each subsequent stage. According to Erikson, the first stage of development is Trust vs. MisTrust.

In this stage:
The child is biologically driven to achieve trust with his or her primary caregivers. The baby will use whatever communicative devices he has to test over and over again if and how he can trust the caregiver? Can I trust mommy to feed me when I am hungry? Can I trust her to make me comfortable when I am cold? Can I trust her to help me sleep when I am tired? Crying is often the primary source of communication for all of these tasks, but you would be surprised at how many different ways infants can communicate. But I digress, the point is: the great majority of infant behavior is driven by the need to determine if, when and how the child can trust the caregiver to provide for his or her needs.

And this is where reasoning comes in:

C. Most of us know that a newborn is born with an instinct to suck. But we must teach that baby how much to open his or her mouth. Where, when and how to suck. And gradually, after a while we start offering pureed foods, mashed up vegetables and tiny chopped versions of our own table food, until finally, the (now toddler) is able to eat regular table food just like us. You don't hand your newborn, your six month old, or even your toddler a steak and say, "Eat."

To me, the concept of putting a tiny child down the hall in a crib far away from his or her very own world, the parents, and saying, "Sleep all night." is like handing a baby a steak. Sleeping independently is something that can be taught gradually, and successfully and without heartbreaking crying.

Which brings me to my next theorist,

D. Lev Vygotsky, who taught the concept of "Scaffolding"The idea is : helping a child learn just as scaffolding holds up a building. The adult holds the child up during tasks which the child cannot perform independently, but then gradually pulls back as they are able to do more and more, until finally, the child is functioning independently, confidently and fully empowered at the given task.

My Experience with CIO...

And for my final, I tried the Cry It Out method with Isaac when he was 11 months old. I tried a modified version of the Ferber method, where you go back in during increasing intervals of time and give verbal comfort. I had heard about it and didn't know what to do... I was young and un-read and just tried it. I bawled for hours and hours and finally ran in and scooped him up in my arms and promised never again.

Isaac, 7 weeks old

Daphne was never left to cry and neither was Tori. I co-slept with Daphne and Victoria as well. People promised me I'd never get Daphne out of my bed and that I was making a mistake. I read experts who said that "your child will never learn to sleep if you don't let them cry. They'll be too dependent on you- they'll never learn self-sufficiency." Teaching Daphne to sleep was incredibly demanding and rewarding. And to be quite honest: There were times when I thought I would never sleep again. There were times when I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel, when I cried if she woke up. But she began to sleep through the night at 21 months, in her own bed, and has been a fabulous sleeper ever since. And I went back to my bed feeling confident that I gave all the scaffolding I could... that she knows in her heart that if she needs me, I'm there. Period.

Daphne, 5 days old

And I hope that Victoria will get the same message, too. We're here. She can trust us and come to us for comfort, food, whatever she needs. I have seen the needs evolve from help sleeping to help entering nursery, to help reading, to help starting preschool, to help being a good friend. And Matt and I want them to know: "We're With You ALL The Way."

Victoria, on the day she came home from the hospital

God bless you and your children in whatever you have decided. I hope you allow others the same privilege.

If you are interested, I highly recommend these books: The No Cry Sleep Solution and The Baby Sleep Book. Also, Dr. Sears' website offers some great ideas for parents...

Christmas Kids

This December, one of my big goals was to get a picture of all three of my sweet children dressed up in their Christmas duds! I do realize that I have pictures of them from all over the world this year, but oddly enough, traveling doesn't make for children who are feeling photogenic. I hardly have any of all three of them together, let alone all three looking at the camera or dare we suggest?...smiling! So, this month, I was a woman on a mission. I'll spare you all the attempts and get straight to my top three picks:

Here they are the Sunday before Christmas:
This one meets two of my criteria:
All three children? check.
All three children looking at the camera? check.
But alas, we didn't quite make it on the smiling front.

And the Sunday After Christmas, we hit the jackpot!

All three children? check.

All three children looking at the camera? Check

All three children smiling? Yay!!

(I do love how Daphne looks like she's freezing her little tail off and Tori looks ready to run at any moment.)

This was our first attempt at pig tails (or dog ears- whatever your preferred coloquialism) in Tori's hair. And I must say, I know I am incredibly biased, but it was one of the. cutest. things. ever. (I'm just a teeny bit proud to be their mom, can you tell?)